Today marks the beginning of Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

All I want to say on the subject is that living with an eating disorder is indescribably dark and twisted.

There is so much more to Anorexia (and other eating disorders) than people are aware of mostly because there is only so much that can be spoken about publicly without potentially causing harm to others struggling by triggering behaviours for them.

Weight gets a lot of attention because it is often the most obvious, immediately life threatening, and most socially acceptable piece.

What people don’t talk about are the rituals that completely take over and how confusing and helpless it feels when the rituals are put before the people and things someone with anorexia loves not because they prioritize the rituals over them, but because they have lost control in having the agency to choose.

It’s terrifying and desperate to feel trapped in taking bites on certain numbers, or exercising for x amount of time, or having to bite food in a particular way and very specific order.

It’s a bizarre and unbearably intense life and if I’m being totally honest, the thoughts haunt one nearly every minute long after weight is restored.

I’m not asking that anyone understand or even change their opinion, I’m simply offering the information as “awareness” to a deeper level of understanding for those who are dealing with, or for those around someone who is dealing with or you suspect is struggling with an eating disorder as it is Eating Disorder *Awareness* Week (see what I did there?!).

They still love you, they don’t want to be this way, and they still need you.

Written and Submitted by Caitlin, March 7, 2019